The value of knowing your values

A quick primer on what values are and how to find yours

I’ve written before about how purpose is a tool for deciding what to spend your finite time on. You want to feel like you spend your time well. To feel that way, you must know what’s important enough to spend your time on. And that gets us to values. They are expressions of what you find important.

So how do you know your values? Well, here’s a quick guide on just that:

Valuing stuff

Let’s start with a two-for-one deal; I’ll introduce you to values by revealing one of the biggest problems people run into.

We think of value as worth. Bananas have value because you can eat them, and eating keeps you alive, and staying alive is important. That’s how value and importance connect. Anything important gains value.

We’ve been conditioned to think about value in terms of money. It’s our modern mass-fixation. The worth of anything is expressed by how much it costs.

Everything is part of a hierarchy of worth. A car is worth more than a loaf of bread — or at least we commonly agree. That agreement takes place on the open market through the dynamic of supply and demand. Worth fluctuates day by day as the needs of people change. If food shortages get bad enough, bread will cost more than a car.

But this brilliant invention of ours does have its downsides. For one, it often confuses us. We’ve taken money as the universal indicator of value and we all too easily conclude that anything worth a lot of money must therefore be important. In thinking so, we flip the causation on its head. Importance doesn’t always signal worth anymore; worth can now also signal importance.

And so we prance around with our Gucci bags, Rolex watches, and Armani suits.

It’s an easy mistake to make. But it has severe consequences. It puts people on the path of chasing riches for the sake of being rich. This isn’t just a strange logical fallacy of circular reasoning, it also goes against how your mind works.

Worth and money are not connected at all in your head; while society operates by that formula, your brain decidedly does not. For example, some things are invaluable to you while they are worthless to others. No amount of money or other treasures could convince you to give them up. I have an artwork my mother made just before she died. It’s made of a bit of papier-mâché and paint, costing less than $2 — but it’s priceless to me.

So here’s how your mind actually thinks about value:

How the mind values

Your mind is a big collection of beliefs. They are ideas you think are true or false about yourself, others, and the world. We call it our belief system. These ideas range from the most basic and foundational to the specific and complex. For example, I believe I have hands, I believe I can move those hands, and I believe I can manipulate my environment with my grabby fingers. I also believe 1+1=2, the sun will rise tomorrow (which is an assumptional belief), and that I should start a big family of my own.

That last one is an example of a specific subset of beliefs that express what’s meaningful and worthwhile. They describe what you want for yourself, others, and the world. Those beliefs are values.

So while people have collectively learned to agree on value based on market prices, individuals value based on what’s meaningful and worthwhile. Those two systems don’t always align.

Therefore, you must learn what you truly value rather than what society tells you to.

Why know your values

Whether you’re aware or not, you have strong values. Just like all your other beliefs, you’ve mostly developed them through childhood experiences. You rely on them every day. Anytime you make a decision, you go through an appraisal process by consulting your belief system, including your values. You derive choice criteria from your beliefs and apply them to the choice options you have, which gets you to a decision.

For example, if you’re thinking of buying a large TV, it may involve a complex mix of beliefs, such as:

• I can’t really afford it

• I like watching movies

• A big TV can fit in my room

• Movies should be experienced on a big screen

Often, you don’t even notice all that goes into this process. Your consciousness is only partially involved (and for certain habits not at all).

Now, at this point you might wonder, “If my values are already there, helping me make decisions, why is it so important to become aware of them?” Well, that’s an excellent question (I did ask this myself but you can take the credit).

Here’s why you should get to know your values:

First, being aware of your values allows you to change them. Some of your values don’t serve you anymore. They are relics from the past still influencing decisions you make today.

I’ve come to value minimalism over having lots of material possessions. I actively chose to change my beliefs once I found that the old ones didn’t work for me any longer.

Second, knowing your values helps you seek opportunities to express them. Instead of letting them influence the decisions that happen to befall you, you can play an active role in finding experiences that align with your values.

This returns us to purpose, since living purposefully involves the process of seeking opportunities to live your values.

How to know your values

It’s impossible to know the entire structure of your belief system. It’s huge, constantly changing, and not at all stored in neat little boxes on big shelves.

But some of your values will stand out. They assert themselves in nearly everything you do. They are loud, bold, and strong. We call them Core Values. You can think of them as the foundations of a house. Built on top of them are lots of other smaller beliefs and values.

Science has done quite a great job at identifying all the possible values people have. There’s a surprising consistency in what values people mention, across all different cultures, times, and ways of life. They come in flavors such as Justice, Freedom, Connection, Adventure, or Excellence.

There are a few standard tests you can do to find yours:

The first one is a questionnaire on this site. I like this one best because it asks you to rate how much you agree with a series of statements, making it easier to think about.

​This second one asks you to choose your values directly from a list and rank them. At times it’s almost cruel since you will be forced to decide even between your highest values. But at the same time, it’s effective at prompting deep reflection about what is truly the most important to you.

(Note: the basic versions of both assessments are free and I’m not sponsored by any of them.)

Once you have your list of values, I recommend an additional step. Most of these values are pretty vague. Therefore, write a brief description for each of your top five Core Values. Don’t worry about how the tests or anyone else defines them — just write down how you understand them and what they mean to you.

Finally, take time to reflect on them. Be mindful of where your values show up in your daily life. Are they helpful for making everyday choices? Which activities feel like they align with your values? And can you think of any opportunities to better align with them?

Now that you have your Core Values identified, you can consciously refer to them as you shape the course of your life.

Over time, you will notice they may change. That’s only expected. Your values are relatively stable but never fixed. With awareness, you can play an active role in how they change and how you apply them to your life.

That’s all for this edition of The Flourish. See you next time.

Your Flourishing Friend, Flo.